Life's A Dance -My Story of A Dancing Life
Life's a Dance
The threads and players are you and me
So, let's sing and dance and weave Where It All BeganIt all started in high school when I moved away from a city that was unhealthy for me, to live with my dad in a small Saskatchewan town. For the first time, I was free of danger and the burdens I carried in my city life. However, the experience of living with my mother, and struggling with adversity (abandonment, poverty, domestic, shattered dreams), remained very fresh, and to this day, shapes me into the woman I am.There was a synchronized swim club in my new 'home' town, and I joined. I loved the water, and the concept of water-ballet sounded playful and creative – just what I needed. It was in the pool that I had my first 'spiritual-dance' experience. We had turned off all the room lights, so the underwater pool lights gave a mysterious glow.
When the music played in the underwater speakers, we began to dance 'synchro-swim style'. Like water fairies, we frolicked; diving, waving, arching and turning. Being a part of that 'water-dance' was profound for me. I had a sense of eternity. I fell in love with “The Dance of Life” that moves us all. Finding BellydanceFour years later, in university, the competitive costs and time commitment of swimming soon became a burden, but I stayed because it filled my need for creativity. Yet, I continually wondered why I felt so empty. Even with hours of academic study and rigorous physical training, I wasn't learning anything that I truly valued.One year before the completion of my Biology degree, I was intrigued by an ad in the newspaper for classes with DancEgypt. The ad featured a mysterious, black silhouette, arching with a veil. All my senses tingled when I looked at that ad. Without any sense of logic, I registered. That bellydance class became the next turning point of my life....... As I entered the hotel and went up the elevator to the room, I heard the music. The melodies were haunting and sensuous. They beckoned me to the core. My spirit inhaled the freshness, and the pulse of my veins quickened! My body swooned with every note. As the elevator door opened, I hesitated. My mind was reeling with doubt. What would I encounter? What if it was all a farce and this class was a front for some underground, topless dancers? How would I leave politely if I was uncomfortable there? With a deep breath for courage, I entered the space, and what I saw was at once ordinary, yet penetrating. The class had 6 participants - two teenagers, one senior, and three middle aged women. Their skin was every shade of the Earth, and their hips were every shape and size. All of them invoked the most peaceful and powerful dance I had ever seen. I felt an immediate sense of Belonging and a craving to learn more. I had found my Teacher. Initiation
My initiation into bellydance lasted 3 years. I danced every day – I needed it like a vitamin, or I felt I might go insane. One night in particular, sealed my fate. It was late, and I was exhausted from 5 hours of swimming and a full day of classes and labs. I was restless, and couldn't go to bed.So, I put on some music from my class, and, in the dark, started dancing in my living room. I began with a practice of the movements I was learning: circles, waves, and shimmies. Gradually, I felt myself let go and relax. My mind stopped churning, and my body dissolved into the music. That's when I lost all sense of place and time. “The Dance” lifted me out of my self-awareness, and carried me along the current of sound to a new understanding of Life. I felt complete Unity (no drugs or alcohol involved!). I lingered there for some time, and when I 'came to', I was laying on the floor, dripping with sweat. It took awhile for my mind to figure out what had happened. Until that moment, I didn't believe in any kind of spirituality. The theory of evolution was all that made logical sense to me. So the search to explain what had happened, and what it meant had begun. Oddly enough, it was through a religion (the Baha'i Faith), that I found the answers. The Dance had been my Guide. Falling Into Family
Just when I thought I had it all figured out, I fell in love and my plans of having an exciting career as a Bellydance Superstar seemed frivolous, almost childish. I wanted a family now, and my desire was fulfilled. I got married and within the next 12 years, I gave birth to 3 healthy, happy and spunky children, whom I love fiercely.
During all of my pregnancies, bellydancing kept me fit and comfortable in my body. Moreover, it gave me an outlet to express my deepest emotions. I continued to teach in circles of fabulous women, and my performances revealed my sense of honor and bliss. In labour, I danced, and felt the sacredness of my movements blend with the ancient wisdom. The hands of God moved within my belly.
The 'Blessing' of Motherhood?
However, I was unprepared for what motherhood had in store for me. My dedication to my children quickly became a conflict with my passion for belly dance. Gradually, I became quite depressed and depleted. I couldn't do both with the intensity I wanted, and even my marriage felt strained as I struggled to find balance. Whenever I did dance, I was neglecting something, or someone else. Dance seemed like another needy child, or a demanding lover. My vitality was draining away.So, I quit teaching and performing and concentrated my remaining energy on raising my children, and nurturing my marriage. In my spare time (rare), I danced for myself, and practiced the self-help advice of countless books. The situation at home improved immensely, but my spirit was not at peace. Like the voice of God, The Dance commanded me in my prayers and dreams. It beckoned from every whispering breeze and every living thing. Even the pictures I made with my children, looked like dancers. I tried to dance more often and intensely to maintain my sanity and calm the voice that told me I still had to be a Dancer if I wanted to fulfill my life's purpose. ReturningAfter homeschooling for 9 years, life handed me a new opportunity. As my children began school, a huge space opened up for me and I was ready to do more.Was it time to Dance again? I was afraid at the thought of returning to my Art. After all, my body carried the markings of my journey into motherhood ~ stretch marks, extra weight, shriveled breasts, grey hair, and tired eyes. I was changed inside too ~ sorrow, rage and fear had replaced some of my youthful optimism and peacefulness. Could I still be a belly dancer? Then, like a gently unfolding blossom, I started getting “Ideas”- a video project, shows, ways of teaching, etc. And now, I have returned to The Dance, not as a 'superstar', but as a 'servant'. I teach a few classes, and as the women gather (it's almost always women), I wonder why it feels so much more glorious than before. I wonder why I am teaching, and why people come for lessons. What is it that we need? What are we longing for? Living Dance - Dreaming the FutureI've come to conclude (at least for now), that my classes are more about sharing and supporting each other as we journey through Life, and less about preparing a routine to perform on stage. At present, I feel like a 'facilitator' or 'gatherer' more than a 'teacher'.I dream of witnessing the day when dance is full of Wisdom and Beauty – a vehicle to transcend all barriers, and share and celebrate our Truth - an art for everyday and everyone. I want Dance at weddings, at births, and even at funerals. I want Dance under the stars, and in the kitchen. I want Dance in my work, my play and in my prayers. My life's one big Dance – full of earth-shattering shimmies, cycles of pleasure and pain, and eternal balancing acts. The thread of my dance, our dance, The Dance, has pulsed, sweet and constant throughout my life. I travel its undulating core of Bliss everyday. Go to the Bellydance-for-Life "HomePage" from "Life's A Dance!" Check out what we have for you!
|
